(Things to do while pretty much condemning your next kid to a lifetime of fighting other kids at the playground…)

Friday

The Great Glass Pumpkin (And Make Your Own, Kinda) The Pittsburgh Glass Center, ‘SLiberty(ish), 6-9 p.m.
Make your own glass pumpkin for 25 bucks, or just attend the event for free and see artisans practicing their craft, which is also part science. It truly is an awesome thing to watch. Plus, you can see their Glory Hole, which is helpfully pictured at left. Seriously. That’s what the opening to the furnace is called. A Glory Hole. Enjoy saying it all night long, over and over to the absolute consternation of those around you. Be That Guy. Glory Hole.

(Linds! Don’t think of it as me being my regular juvenile self! Instead, think of all the accidental traffic this post will get from google now! We’ll be rich! It’s a gravy train with biscuit wheels, baby! And we’re in the bar car with forks and knives!)

Lisdoonvarna (8th Annual Matchmaking Festival Mullaney’s Harp & Fiddle, The Strip, 7 p.m.
Apparently they’ll have matchmakers on hand. In my neighborhood growing up, we called them “Pimps” or “Bartenders”, but whatever… It looks like a fun Friday night at Mullaney’s where you could meet someone and fall in like. With beer. Mythbusters just proved that the Theory Of Beer Goggles, wherein the opposite sex becomes more attractive the more you drink, is indeed plausible. I would heartily suggest you try the experiment yourself at Mullaney’s. I’ll be there around, oh, let’s say 1:30 or so, ladies. I’ll be playing the part of “Handsome Stranger” until around 8 Saturday morning, when I’ll be playing “Bald Guy On The Couch Of My Apartment, Eww He’s Gross, How Can I Get Him Out Of Here” at which point I’ll wake up, scratch myself inappropriately, and use your bathroom before making a long-distance call on your land line, which is to say, yes, I’m the man of your dreams.

The The Big Throwback 10 p.m., Brillobox, Western Bloomfield
You Damn skippy… Brillo hosts J. Malls & Omar-Abdul for the monthly funk/dance/soul shindig, coming to you live from the Mothership.

Saturday

Zombiefest 2008, Monroeville Mall, Monroeville, All Day (Of The Dead)
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look, just click the link to find out all about it… There’s way too much going on to list, but be sure you show up Sunday for the World Record Zombie Walk. Or lurch. Whatever. One fun note: the elevator that dude gets torn up in is still in service in JCPenneys. From the inside of the mall, go into the store and sorta keep making your way towards the left rear of the store. If you’re on the lower floor, it’s right by customer service where, oddly, they deal with zombies all the time.

Nightmare On Carson Street Bar Crawl (Or lurch. Whatever), Various Bars, Register at St. James Place, 19th * Mary St, Sahsside
Beer specials, souvenir cup, 15 bars. It benefits the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank, and the cost is only 5 bucks with a donation of two cans of food. This, Ladies And Gentlemen, is you Officially Sanctioned Git Aht Drinking For A Cause of the week.

Discounted tickets are available here, though, but their info wasn’t as good as the link in the title…

Sunday

Recover, At Home, All Day
Watch the Steelers and recover. I dunno, maybe go have a bloody mary and the potato/cheese strudel at Point Brugge for brunch. And then wash it down with a bloody mary.