This week’s Special Edition:

The Sienna Miller To-Do List

So, Sienna’s having some problems finding things to do while she’s in town filming “Mysteries Of Pittsburgh“, thinks that there’s nothing to do for a girl her age in Pittsburgh. Or as she calls it, in a Rolling Stone interview, “Shitsburgh”.

(I’m not sure of the spelling on that. Should it be two “T”s? Whatever, I know the “H” is supposed to be on the end for sure.)

Apparently, she’s spending all her time, Cheney-like, holed up in in an undisclosed location, specifically, a somewhat unkempt and disheveled hotel room, occasionally popping down to the hotel bar for a smoke and a drink. Not that that’s a bad thing, really, but it does get old after a while, so I understand.

Look, we’ve all been there, any type of work trip, you’re looking for something to do, right?

So Sienna, I’m volunteering to take you out for a night. We’ll find something to do, whatever night of the week it may be. I understand you work a lot of nights, so if necessary, I’ll take a day off, we’ll jaunt around, hopefully get a nice sunny day, take a walk, get some ice cream or something. Strictly platonic, of course, I know you and Jude have rekindled the romance, and that’s great, I mean, for the kids and all.

I don’t think you really hate it here. Or perhaps you do, but I think it’s because you just don’t know what’s going on.

Baby doll, hit me up with the electronic mail at gitaht@gmail.com and we’ll set something up. In the meantime, here’s a list of thing to do today, tomorrow, and Sunday. Try any of ’em, Sienna. Chances are you’ll have more fun than hanging out in the room, watching TV. Besides, you’re used to the BBC, and comparitively, our TV sucks over here, with the notable exception of Pimp My Ride. That show rocks the hizzy, so to speak.

Friday, October 6
Live Music At The Quiet Storm, 9:00 p.m., The Quiet Storm Cafe, Friendship
I’ve never heard of any of these acts, but they’re included for one simple reason: they have awesome names. Anita Fix? Pimps Up Hoedown? Safety Grenade? Winner. You get mentioned.

Sienna, The Quiet Storm is a vegetarian joint, and even though Dilbert doesn’t think we have them, they do exist. It’s a bit of a hipster hangout, so the smoking section may be full. We may have to pop outside for a smoko. No worries though, the weather’s supposed to be fair, a bit chilly, but we’ll bundle up. And I know, you’re travelling, may have left some things at home, so if you need to borrow a jacket or a hoodie, let me know.

Moonsplash On The Mon, 6:00 p.m. South Side Riverfront Park, 18th Street, On the River. (Duh.)
Sponsored by the Friends of the Riverfront, which kinda sounds like a political movement, and in a way it is, I guess. This is a big fund-raiser for the group that protects and restores the riverfronts. Food and wine provided, and music includes Ambient electro-acoustic world music by Life in Balance and the Steel Drum and Reggae sounds of Ras Prophet. There will also be a photography exhibition by Git Aht favorite Renee Rosensteel.

Tickets are a bit pricey at 50 bucks a pop (35 for members, but either way you can cover that out of your per diem, Sienna, and if you can’t then you need new representation), but this is the type of gig that might get you into the Seen column, and that’s always been a dream of mine since I was a lad. (Note: I don’t know if they’ll actually be there, but it’s their type of gig…) But Uricchio just doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, for some reason. Perhaps I should send a box of fine hand-made chocolates to the PG, maybe some flowers. Sienna, we could take a trip to the Strip district, go to Pittsburgh Cut Flowers, and you could help me pick these out. You strike me as the type of person who would have an eye for that sort of thing. I like that.

(Thanks to the fine folks at The Dish for passing this one along.)

Partisan Project 2006, 7:00 p.m., 5151Penn Gallery, 5151 Penn Ave. (Again with the duh.)
And now, a real political party. The Partisan Project is an art exhibition that “the work of designers and artists using their time and talent to help bring about political change.” Now, let’s all get together and guess which party this represents based on one of the sample images from the web site…

If you guessed Whig, you’re wrong, but possibly only slightly, depending on how things roll out next month. Regardless, this is the opening reception, which, as we all know, means food and beverages will be provided, music will be played, and, at least here at 5151Penn, a poetry reading. I’m not sure which side of the political fence you’re on, Sienna, but whichever side it may be, this could be fun and thought-provoking. I’m not saying it’ll snap you out of your funk, but it might help.

Saturday, October 7
Head Of The Ohio, 9:00 a.m., Riverfront Park, North Shore Side
Sienna, perhaps we’ve crossed oars at Henley, eh? Oh, perhaps I’m thinking of someone else. This seems to be the kind of thing you’d enjoy though, as 4,000 rowers converge on our three rivers to participate in one of the largest single-day regattas in the country. Activites beyond just rowing abound, but the main thing here is to watch the rowers, umm, y’know, row. You can take advantage of watching the race from the deck of the Steward Ship where you can “sample sumptuous food and drink while cheering the competitors across the finish line”. No word on whether that sumptuous food will include pierogies or not, but do try to sample one during your stay. Just make sure they’re made by a little old lady that looks, if so motivated, like she could kick your ass and not think twice about it. Like my grandmother. Hoo-ee, one time she beat six kinds of hell out of me with my own shoe, I was bruised for a week, but I did deserve it, after all, rotten kid. Good times, good times…

Scott Hunter, Recent Paintings 6:00 p.m., Planet Art Gallery, Mount Lebanon
Heard about this one here the other day and figured it could use another mention. Planet Art’s a neat space and all, but, well… I’m not familiar at all with Hunter. I mean, the few paintings that I’ve seen online appear to be good, but what do I know? I like dogs playing poker, after all. If it were up to me, though, all art from here forward would consist of various representations of you, Sienna. You got that look I dig the mostest.

Bill Cosby 7:00 and 9:30 p.m., Heinz Hall, Dahntahn
I’m pretty sure I can still recite the album “Himself” word for word. Somewhere along the way, though, Bill started doing a lot of social commentary, so I’m really not sure whether this’ll be a comedy gig or if he’s going to opine. Either way, it is Bill Cosby and that’s pretty much worth it.

And you practically know him, Sienna, since your co-star in “Mysteries” Nick Nolte appeared on the 1976 Emmy Awards with Alan Alda, who worked with Bill in California Suite. I mean, just based on that he’d probably invite us back stage where we could enjoy a pudding pop and a coke. And you say there’s no fun here.

Sunday, October 9
RADical Days at The Warhol, 10:00 a.m., The Warhol, North Shore Side
Ok, I know you’ve been to The Warhol before, back when you were researching the Sedgwick role for the Warhol flick, but hey, you couldn’t possibly have seen it all, right? And because of the Regional Asset District program of making a whole slew o’ cultural events and museums free, we can make up for the sting that the Moonspalsh inflicts on us if your per diem doesn’t cover it. That reminds me… Get me Harvey on the phone, willya? Thanks Marge… Harvey? Hey Harvey, look, we gotta talk about Sienna’s deal. Well, it’s no good, Harvey, it’s no good. She needs more, deserves more. Look, she’s bankable, right? She put asses in seats, Harvey and… What? You’re killin’ me Harvey, you’re killin’ me. Why you gotta break my balls Harvey, huh? Why?

The Burgh Big Band, 8:00 p.m., Rhythm House Cafe, Bridgeville
You like jazz, don’t ya Sienna? It’s an American art form, and I know you spent a lot of time in England and all, but you were born here, you studied with Strasberg here, I’m guessing you’d like the jazz here. The Burgh Big Band swings Sunday night at the Rhythm House in the Bass Bar, which I think is pronounced to rhyme with “ace” and not “ass”. Cause if it were the latter, I think it might be odd for a place called the Rhythm House to have an area named after a fish. Although, they usually have Fish Parmesan as the special on Sundays, so maybe it does make sense. I’m not a big fan of fish parm myself, Sienna, but maybe you’d like it. The important thing is to try, right? Try new things and maybe you’ll like one of them. First things first, though… You need to get out of the bloody hotel and look around a bit.

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So there it is, Sienna, a bunch of things to do. And even if none of these appeal to you, still get in touch with me. We can go to any number of bars and have a good time, but specifically I think we’d have fun up ‘ere at Gooski’s in Polish Hill, where the beer is cold and they have the best juke box in the city. We can sing along to Pulp, and be like the common people. It’ll be fun.

(Update: The Dish offered to take her to the Monterey for Imp ‘n Ahrn. Sounds good to us, espeically because they correctly referred to it as being on the North Side.)

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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.