(Things to do while freezing your ya-yas off…)
Quick note: I was busy all morning shoveling and salting the walk here at the luxuriously-appointed World Headquarters of iheartpgh.com so that Lindsay and Natalia wouldn’t soil their Manolo Blahniks when they rolled in sometime this afternoon around 4ish for a good solid hours work, so this had just been the Friday stuff, but now the post has been updated with the Saturday and Sunday highlights dropped in. Read on, MacDuff.
Friday, January 26
Gallery Crawl, 5:30 p.m., Cultural District, Dahntahn
Given the weather, the main thing here (among all of the galleries featuring great work and live music) is the Hot Chocolate and marshmallows that will be available free in the lobby of the Cabaret Theater in Theater Square. The marshmallows are shaped like snowmen, so this is your chance to at least symbolically exact revenge on Winter by biting the heads off first, pretending you’re a giant monster from a 50s Japanese sci-fi flick. Make some sort of “grarrrr!” sound to show the staff at the Cabaret Theater that you mean business, and are not one to be trifled with. This will help you to get that second mug of cocoa much quicker. Git Aht Tipâ„¢: Slipping some butterscotch schnapps into hot chocolate makes it a lot better, especially in the mid-term.
The walk goes all over the Cultural District and you can hit plenty of galleries, with just about every different kind of work available for you to cast eyes upon. Free music abounds, and free Samba and Salsa lessons (the dance, not the condiment) are running every hour at the Bricolage Space. The overall advice? Keep moving, there’s a lot to see, and it’ll keep you warm.
The Povertyneck Hillbillies, 8:00 p.m., Mr. Smalls, Millvale
They’re kind of a big deal, I think. They get a lot of national notice, they’re homegrown, and even at a known rock joint that has a friggin’ skatepark attached to it, they’re standing room only tonight. Me, I dunno… I like my country music to be old school, about drinkin’, and heartbreak, and drinkin’. Preferably sung by someone who has lived through drug addiction, maybe a heart attack or two, a divorce, and rampant bouts of alcoholism. That’s country music, pardnah. Somebody help me out here – do the PNH do this kind of thing?
Saturday, January 27
Freestyle Motocross, 7:30 p.m., Mellon Civic Arena
You’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge! Well, ok, probably not, I mean, the back part of your ass’ll get numb after about 20 minutes, and you’ll wanna lean back with your Coors Light, take a load off so to speak. Go and see motorcycles flying through the air, going sideways, flipping around, and healing the sick.
Not that last one. But the other things, yeah, those’ll be there. What you really want to see is all of the ‘in-the-air’ stunts with names like ‘the superman seat grab’, the ‘back flip’, the ‘rock solid’ and more, most o them taking place 30 or 40 feet above the floor of the arena. According to the site, “New tricks are created each year and it’s all about who gets the BIG AIR – the big tricks and the most audience reaction and respect!”
Hey, it’s got an all caps and an exclamation point, so it must be exciting! Imagine if there were, I dunno, MORE THAN ONE!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!
Hmmm… I dunno, maybe not. Whatever, enjoy the beer.
Steel City Derby Demons, 6:00 p.m., Bladerunners, Harmarville
Pictured, Dresta Kill, the Captain of my favorite team (based solely on team name), The Bitch Doctors. Dresta likes long walks on the beach, kittens, and crushing people that cross her into small puddles of ooze. And I think I’m in love.
Fresh off their City Paper cover story, the Steel City Derby Demons put on an exhibition bout up at Bladerunners in Harmarville. The new “Women’s Flat Track Derby Association” has a real Suicide Girls kinda feel to it, and I dig the whole idea. It’s throwback and the future at the same time, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised that some of the participants will be attending Burning Man later this year, eschewing the bikes out on the desert in favor of rollerskates, although who knows how well that’d work on the playa. But hell, if anybody would soldier on in the face of difficulty, it’s future Mrs Git Aht, Dresta Kill. Dresta, sweetheart, call me. We’ll go out and beat people up some Tuesday night after work and then relax with a beer afterwards, it’ll be fun.
Sunday, January 28
Rembrandt et al, 12:00 p.m., Carnegie Museum Of Art, Oakland
The Carnegie’s got an exhibit of Rembrandt prints running now through February 11th, all etchings spanning three decades that will show the evolution of his style. Works included are Self-Portrait Leaning on a Stone Sill, (1639); The Three Trees (1643), and my personal favorite which truly shows the incredible depth of his work, Christ Crucified Between Two Thieves (The Three Crosses) While Dogs Play Poker In The Foreground, 4th state (c. 1660).
The CMOA page says this year marks the 400th anniversary of his birth, and the chronological distance between then and now always begs the question: What would Rembrandt be doing if he were alive today? And the answer, of course, is “clawing at the inside of his coffin”, but that’s nether here nor there.
There are a couple other exhibits going on, including an exhaustive collection of Tiffany Desk sets.
Ok, contain yourselves if you can, have a lie down.
They’ve also got an installation piece by Jonathon Borofsky, the same guy that has the “Walking To The Clouds” piece up on the CMU campus. It’s called “Human Structures” and it’s meant to be walked around and through. Well, not literally through because that would reduce it’s value, but you know what I mean. All in all, it sounds like a pleasant way to spend a Winter afternoon.
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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.
Heat up the cold winter night by packing your ass into the Eagle with 100 or so of your closest, soul-loving friends. Drinks are cheap, the music’s great, the dancing’s even better, and there ain’t no cover (yes, i now it’s a double negative, which I guess could mean that there is a cover, but you need to stop being so literal and have some fun for a change, fer chrissakes…)
“Refreshments”. We all know what that means, don’t we? Although, the concept of refreshment is one of those means different things to different people things, so your particular refreshment might not be available. For instance, I think a pint of Martini is fantastic for a summer’s day, although it can make for a truly horrendous summer’s night.
You’d think a taste of Ireland would involve whatever it is they do to the Blarney Stone at night after the tourists leave, but no. In this case, it’s all about the beer. Well, for me it is. Guinness all night, live music, and a stunning lack of potatoes. Consider this a warm-up for St. Patrick’s Day… Training camp, if you will. And you will, let’s not kid ourselves.
Rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. But enough about me, let’s talk about Lisa. Known in some circles as the “female Don Rickles”, Lisa’s act delivers the strength at most of the celebrity roasts you’ve seen in the past few years. Sample from the Shatner roast: “Betty White is so old, that on her first game show ever, the grand prize was fire.” That’s the cleanest pull I could get, the rest of her act is raunchy, filthy, dirty, and many other things Bill Cosby would disapprove of. But it’s also hilarious, and well worth checking out. She’s one of the best stand-ups working today, and she’s made the move to the big rooms like the Byham. Sooner or later, she’s going to get a sitcom, because that’s what always happens, so take a look now, and be able to say “I saw her act before she sold out and ended up on KDKA Mondays at 8:30.”
“When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin. His girlfriend then crushed him with a kleenex and flushed him. The End. (Roll Credits)”
He probably won’t be there, but still…
This month’s theme is “Classic Hitchcock”, and Pittsburgh Filmmakers brings us the 1935 tale of mistaken identity, spies, and a “cool blonde”. They say the “banter in this mystery/romance set the style for sophisticated comedies for years” and I have no choice but to believe them because how the hell do I know? I mean, I haven’t seen it because I don’t know if it has any karate in it, and karate is the hallmark of a good movie. Except for that friggin’ Chuck Norris thing with Joe Piscopo and that kid from Sealab or whatever it was. That thing stunk on ice.
Ok, the holidays are over, and yeah, you drank and ate as much as I did. Don’t lie… You look in the mirror and you’re like “who brought Marlon Brando back from the dead and let him into my house?” So take the free class from the Three Rivers Rowing Association and learn one of the absolute best aerobic exercises around. The only pre-requisite needed is that you be “Willing to learn and have a good time”, which is, oddly enough, exactly the pre-requisite a 32-year-old woman had for me when I dated her at the age of 21. Sure she was a cradle-robber, but a lot of fun, especially when she made me repeat things until I got them right. There’s something to be said for that method of education, because I’ve never used the wrong fork at dinner since. I mean, my fork game is ridiculous.
This is a one-man play focusing on the story of the legendary Art Rooney, Sr. portrayed by local actor Tom Adkins. It’s co-written by Rob Zellers and Gene Collier, the latter being possibly the best local writer we have, and certainly the most entertaining every time he pecks out a column for the PG. The Chief may be making its last run, so this would be a good choice for your Saturday night.
The weekend’s “Family” event, I’m posting it because I always loved Seuss. I always got this sort of subversive vibe from his books, even when I was a kid. it’s the same reason I preferred Bugs Bunny over, say Mickey Mouse. Also, a lot of you might have the “Cat in The Hat” hat from your rave days, and it’d probably be ok to wear it to the show, as long as you a.) remove it once the performance starts and b.) take the E out of the stash pocket before you leave the house.