(Things to do while getting lit…)

Friday, November 17
Pittsburgh Brewfest, 6:00 p.m., Boardwalk, The Strip
Kick off the weekend with this week’s “Drinking For A Cause” and not just because you need the good karma going into the holidays. You know what I’m talking about, you get all “good” this time of year because Santa’s watching, but you forget the guy’s as watchful as a CIA spook, and he watches you all year, with little or no regard for the 4th amendment. Seriously, they drill into your childhood head that someone’s always watching you anyway, and all of a sudden, habeas corpus goes away and you don’t give a shit.

Indeed, and that’s all kerfuffle anyway, because there’s beer to be drunk. Drank. Drinked. One of those, and verb conjugation takes a back seat after your third beer anyway.

The Pittsburgh Rugby Football Club is throwing a fund-raiser that will benefit PLEA (Programs for Living, Education and Advocacy) and that’s all well and good, because all proceeds benefit said charity, but lots of beer will be there, and it’ll be early. So go, drink up, but take it easy. As we’ve stressed before, the weekend is a marathon, not a sprint. Enjoy the warm feelings you get from drinking beer and helping others, but don’t get so toasty you can’t function later in the evening. Understandably, that could prove difficult, because here’s a list of brewers in attendance:

Penn Brewery, Rock Bottom, John Harvard’s Brew House, Three Rivers Association of Serious Home Brewers (my favorite name in the bunch because it almost sounds like something Monty Python would have made up), East End Brewing, Southern Tier Brewing, Great Lakes, Boston Brewery, High Falls Brewing, Pittsburgh Brewing, Sly Fox Brewing, Straub Brewing, Victory, Dogfish head, Troegs, Stoudt, Magic Hat , Harpoon, North Coast, Flying Bison, Petes Wicked Ale, Shiner, Moonshot.

Light up Night Lights ‘N’At, All Night Long (All Niiight), Various and Sundry Locations, Dahntahn
We wish you a Merry Christmas!

No, that’s no good. How about “Happy Holidays” then?

Hmm. Nope. A joyous Sparkle Season?

What? Sparkle who? Whatever, Your constant name-changing bores me, makes me weary, makes me want to do all my shopping online. Call it “Lights ‘N’At” and be done with it.

Well, a marketing event by any other name would smell just as sweet, and that smell is cash, glorious cash, but even that doesn’t matter, and here’s why my naturally occurring rampant cynicism is abated: See, Downtown is beautiful year round (mostly) and it really does pretty up during the holidays. Everybody puts lights on everything, and comparing say, Liberty Avenue the the Strip in Vegas isn’t necessarily unwarranted, with the notable exception of way fewer guys passing out the hooker trading cards trying to get you an “Escort” on Liberty. The sheer number of events precludes me from listing all of them, so check the Pittsburgh Downtown Partnership page for full details. I do want to hit some of the high spots, though:

– Five Guys Named Moe performs in Market Square, booths from Duquesne Light, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust, Pittsburgh Roars, inflatables, vendors and more, 4 pm – 9 pm
– PPG Plaza Tree Lighting, 5:30 pm
– One Oxford Centre Tree Lighting, 5:45 pm
– CBS Radio Santa Spectacular Show, Penn Avenue & Stanwix Street, 6:15 pm
– Super Hero Holiday Stage Show, Station Square Drive, Main Stage 7 pm

And hey, this is Pittsburgh after all, so of course it wraps up with:
– Macy’s Fireworks Finale with Duquesne Light’s Tree of Lights Illumination Commonwealth Place and New Penn/Eastbound Liberty (next to Hilton Hotel) 9 pm

Saturday, November 18
A Galaxy Redefined Hair Show, 7:30 p.m., Prive Ultralounge, The Strip
Ok, look, this is sub-titled “A Night Filled With Cosmic Beauties And Stellar Hair” so I could really stop right there, I think, out of sheer absurdity and you’d still go.

“Stellar Hair.” Stellar. Hair.

But let’s re-examine this for a second. First, it’s yet another “Drinking For A Cause” event, and I think we’ll probably see a lot more of these in the upcoming weeks as the Holiday Season revs up. This one, specifically, benefits Sojourner House, a rehabilitation program for mothers. So, looking at our list of “How To Qualify As A Drinking For A Cause” item, that’s a “check” in the “Good Cause” box. Now, looking over the rest of the form, we also need to have the booze criteria fulfilled… Lemme see here… Hmm… Ah, there it is: “$5 Sapphire Martinis From 7:30 to 9:30”. Winner.

Odd though, I think, that a booze event benefits a substance rehabilitation program, but it’s a funny old thing, life. So there ya go.

Pittsburgh Penguins “Score Against Hunger” Food Drive, Before the 7:30 game. Mellon Civic Arena
The Penguins may not be long for the city, because nobody seems to be able to make a friggin’ decision on the whole slots business, and if/when they leave, it will be a sad day. Why? Because not only will we have lost another civic asset, a new arena’s going to be built anyway. Look, that building gets used much more than any other public building (I’m talking stadia, convention center type of edifice here, not say, the county courthouse or the impound lot). The Arena, (while, yes, ok, possessing of a certain charm) is slowly decaying, and unfit for many events, which currently pass Pittsburgh by.

Oh, enough already, here’s the 411 on the food drive: It benefits the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank, and how it works is this: bring a non-perishable food item (I’m not sure if twinkies count) to the gate before the game. Don’t have time to stop at the store? Cash donations are welcome too. Any donation gets you entered into a raffle to win all manner of autographed stuff. Autographed by the Penguins, of course, because autographed by, say, me, well… Not very valuable. I mean, you’re not getting much off of the ebay auction with a hockey stick signed “The Drunk Who Rambles On Fridays On The iheartpgh Site”. Plus, the game itself is a good matchup with the Rangers, so grow out your mullet a bit and say Hi to Jaromir Jagr. And dance to “Cotton Eyed Joe” which, believe me when I say as a former season ticket holder, was sometimes the only thing worth going to games for last year.

Sunday, November 19
Dances Of A Tribe – Belly Dancing, 5:00 p.m., School House Yoga, The Strip
Belly Dancin’. Woot!

Ok, look I don’t know much about belly dancing as an art form, and I suspect that’s true of most of the general population of civilians, so this might be a good way to find out about it. It’s a school type thing, and I’m sure they’d answer any questions you might have. Amethyst (who runs the program) seems like a really nice person, you know, sweet, good-natured, that sort of thing. Probably the vegan diet, I dunno. I’ve looked into it in the past, but the ribs… I love the ribs. I’m talking to you Union Project.
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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.