(Things to do while figuring out what the hell happened to the running game… I heard the plane back from Jacksonville still hasn’t landed because someone painted a goal line across the runway.*)

(* Recycled Bubby Brister joke.)

Friday, September 22
Martini Party, 5:00 p.m., Prive Ultralounge, 1650 Smallman Street, The Strip
“Drinking For A Cause” makes a strong comeback this week at Prive Ultralounge. For some reason, “Ultra” and “Lounge” don’t seem to go together in my mind, but ok, I understand how you need to market to the young people today. It’s not like when I was a kid, when all you had to do to succesfully market something was have a cartoon on Saturday mornings that had your product fighting Skeletor. Now that I think about it, I’d love to see a cartoon about a bar. I’d love to be in a cartoon about a bar. I’d love to be in a bar. But I digress… The Martini Party is a benefit for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, well-known sponsor of the Race For The Cure, an event my mom takes part in every year, so it has my everlasting seal of approval, ’cause my mom’s, y’know, my mom and has never done anything wrong ever, right? Except that time she grounded me for two months in fourth grade. I mean, I told the lunchlady I was sorry. What, that wasn’t good enough? Sheesh.

Oktoberfest, 5:00 p.m.-Midnight and all weekend, Penn Brewery, North Shore Side
This gets a return mention because, well, it’s still going on, and I went last weekend and had a blast. I think.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I had a blast…. Hmmm… Yeah, yeah, I did. I mean, I must’ve, because I drank a whole lot of water at the Firehouse after. (Go to Firehouse, say “Hi” to Hans the bartender, a friend of Git Aht.)

See, they’re selling, like, a half-gallon of beer for 12 and a half bucks. Come on now. Oh, and don’t bother going inside at all, stay out and listen to the Polka band. They started off with the classic German religious music of “In Heaven There Is No Beer” and it only got better. Dude, seriously – they played the Chicken Dance… Twice.

Zombie Walk, 7:30 p.m., Town Tavern, Sahsside
They’re coming to get you, Barbara, so you better have booze.

The Zombie Walk has no good reason whatsoever, and that’s the reason I’m enamored of the idea. See, everyone meets up (dressing in costume is highly encouraged, but not required) and then takes a nice lurch from bar to bar, staying in character, so to speak, before ending up at the “It’s Alive” show at the Rex a little while later. Why go to the show at the Rex? Because it will feature “The Comedy Stylings of Stiffy The Dead Clown”, that’s why. Super Duper (Ultra? Sure, why not…) Extra Bonus Points from me if you know the street dance from the Thriller video and you perform it (safely, dumbass) in the middle of Carson.

(Tip of the drunken hat to Maria for sending this one in. Thanks!)

Saturday, September 23
Sing Along With Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 10:00 p.m., CLO Late Night Cabaret, Dahntahn
I never got into the show for whatever reason, but ok, I know a lot of people love it, and I know enough about it to know that winner of the Alyson Hannigan look-a-like contest that’ll be held at the event should email me at gitaht@gmail.com with a schedule of availability for drinks on me, maybe dinner if things go well. They’ll be handing out “goodie bags” that will contain vampire teeth, (all right, I get that), kazoos (Not really sure, but it is a musical thing…), and mustard (I have no idea, but again, I never watched the show so I plead ignorance. This is probably very important.) Tickets are 12 bucks at the door, 10 in advance. I’d call ahead if I were you.

Global Beats: One world. One distinct evening of music 9:00 p.m., AVA lounge (The other half of Shadow Lounge)
From the release: “Global Beats presents a Latin Groove night! Join us for a unique evening of global beats plus music from the Latin world including pop, rock, ska, reggae, Brazilian, tropical and Latin fusion.”

Ok, nothing to argue with there, I think. Me likey ska. Oi! If you gotta smoke, go outside, you filthy bastard! Say Hi to me while you’re out there, though. I’ll be the one looking at the Iron Lung brochures. I’m thinking I’ll get Xzibit to pimp mine out, y’know, LCD screens, big ass subs in the trunk, maybe some neon. (Note to self: Quit already, ass.)

Sunday, September 24
Comedy Central Comes to the Improv, 7:00 p.m., Improv, Waterfront
Mr. Buzz Nutley (“Mr.” for various and sundry reasons, chief among them he being a dude, but also out of respect, not only for his work, but also for his name.), says on the Craigslist posting where I found this that “Comedy Central will be visiting the Pittsburgh Improv this Sunday the 24th at 7 PM. We are trying to pack the joint, so please come and support the best of Pittsburgh Comedy Talent.” No word on what exactly is going on or anything, so this then becomes a matter of trust. Do we trust Nutley? (“Trust Nutley” sounds a little like a character from a pre-revolutionary war novel, does it not? Either that, or a fantastic campaign slogan. Or a band name. I dunno. Discuss.) I think we do, he hasn’t steered us wrong before, at least, not that we recall. Besides, it’s free. We love free. Reservations are required, however, so call ’em up at 412.462.5233.

Friendship House Tour, 11:00 a.m., Friendship (Duh.)
Friendship development Associates sort of sounds like a shell company for the CIA, but apparently it isn’t. It’s actually a group of people really into the Friendship area, who have decided (a long time ago) to show off the really incredible homes that are up there in that area. One of them was featured on HGTV, so the quality speaks for itself there, I think. Actually, I dunno, because I don’t get to see HGTV much, as the nurses won’t allow anything more exciting than PCN coverage of Pennsylvania State House Proceedings. If we try to change it to something else, she takes away our cigarettes, which we need for the poker games with McMurphy. Hit me, Chief, I got the moves!

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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.