(Things to do while… Holy crap, I think Willie’s still running…)

Friday, December 8
Modey Lemon DJ Night, 10:00 p.m., Brillobox, Upper Larryville
The Modey Lemon spin tunes rather than play them, and I’m guessing it’ll be a blast. I’m gonna try to make this, but this would be a fourth straight night at Brillo, (Tues: fund-raiser, Weds: pub quiz, Thur: meet-for-drinks-with-a-lovely-young-lady) and I’m just not cool enough to do that. I mean, there was a time, sure, when I could’ve pulled it off, but I’m too old now. I simply don’t have enough ironic t-shirts.

Pittsburgh Party For A Purpose, 10:00 p.m., Shadow Lounge, ‘Sliberty
Or as we like to call it, “Drinking For A Cause”. Shadow Lounge comes strong with a line-up including DJ High Top Wrangler (Soul/Funk), DoubleShot (a cappella), & DJ SMI (Hip hop, reggae, anything).

Anything? Awesome. Mix Garth Brooks into Tibetan Throat Singers into Lily Allen and then back into Gregorian Chants, dropping a breakbeat sample in between over dialogue from Star Wars and the sound of ducks quacking. $5 minimum donation, but 100% of it benefits the Greater Pittsburgh Nonprofit Center. Suh-weet.

Saturday, December 9
Tuba Christmas, 1:00 p.m., Century III Mall
An all-tuba orchestra playing Holiday music.

That’s probably all I need to say, because an all-tuba anything is so absurd as to be wonderful and tubas playing Christmas Carols (Silent Night? F*ck yeah!), but fine, quibbler, here are some details:

“Proceeds benefit the Harvey Phillips Foundation, which is dedicated to developing, expanding, and preserving the music arts. There will be a rehearsal at 10:00 a.m. at nearby West Mifflin Middle School. For more information, call Barbara Sabo at (412) 882-2114.”

See if they’ll play selections from next Summer’s musical tribute to Shakespeare entitled “Tuba Or Not Tuba.”

Santarchy, 2:00 p.m., Sahsside Works
Dress up as Santa and go on a bar crawl/culture jam/prank. This is brought to you by the fine folks at the Pittsburgh Cacophony Society, them what brung ya the Department Store Dance Party, the Giant Squirt Gun Battle, and the Quiet Riot: Mime Bar Crawl. So, y’know… they’re fun.

Go unleash your inner Bad Santa and hit ’em up fun-style.

Stuff Your Stocking On The South Side, 11:00 a.m., East Carson Street, Sahsside
And we’ve got a winner for our “Best Double Entendre Of The Holiday Season”.

Sunday, December 10
Skating With Santa, 1:30 p.m., Schenley Rink
Hey! Santa! Shouldn’t you be working? Don’t you have like, a ton of shit to make in the next couple weeks? And here you are, skating… This is like a bookie skiving off the first week of football season. Get to work Jolly Boy!

A Musical Christmas Carol, 2:00., Byham Theater, Dahntahn
No, it doesn’t actually have Bill Murray in it, but it should. I mean, all versions of Christmas Carol should have Bill Murray.

Actually, maybe all performances of everything should have Murray. Like, I think Streetcar would be good with Murray as Stanley. And Blanche. Like, use computers or something so he can play all the roles.

Well, ok, whatever you think of Murray’s acting ability, the CLO’s production should be a good one, and seeing some version of “A Christmas Carol” is tradition every year, although my favorite tradition is watching Ralphie nearly shoot his eye out. And drinking. Well, ok, just drinking.

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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.