(Things to do while deciding if head-butting the guy in the next cubicle is worth the inevitable red card you’d get from HR…)

Friday, July 14
South Side Works “Exposed”, 5:00 p.m. (and all weekend), South Side Works, 26th-ish down Carson
Billing itself as “exposing Pittsburgh to all cultures” (although presumably this doesn’t involve a trenchcoat and looks of surprise on stunned passers-by), this little get-together will feature belly dancers, African drummers, a hookah bar and a wine tent. Hopefully that means a tent that will serve wine and not a tent where people just complain about stuff. While you’re there, climb the rock wall at REI and then, because you’ll be feeling so good about yourself, all healthy and everything, go eat cheesecake.

Station Square Street Jam, 5 p.m., Station Square
The trick is to find the West End Circle Peanut Butter to go along with it. Gin Blossoms’ll be there, I’m guessing they’ll play “Hey Jealousy” at some point. Hey man, it’s free, and free is good. It’s my favorite price in the whole wide world and fills me with a sense of goodness and well-being for my fellow man. Then I watch the news and that all goes straight to hell. The Street Jam is a great time, though, and a great way to start the weekend, just pace yourself. Seriously, the experienced Git Ahter knows that you do no more than one beer an hour before the sun goes down on Friday or you screw up your drinking mojo for the whole weekend. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Saturday, July 15
Pittsburgh Vintage Grand Prix, All Day Saturday and Sunday, Schenley Park
Chris dropped the dime on this the other day, so go read that because it’s chock full o’ information about what a great thing this is and how it works as a fund-raiser for an excellent cause. I will throw in that I used to go to this when I was a kid and my dad was a fanatic for weird old cars. Now he’s a fanatic for living in Florida on a canal and looking at the manatees. I think this is just something that happens as you age and I kinda look forward to it in a way.

Urban Hike, 9:30 a.m., in front of Schenley High School on Centre
More self-referential goodness… Go here and read about it. I’d go, but I have this thing Saturday morning where I sleep off Friday night*. I will say that I know one of the people who organizes the hikes, and she has some of the strongest calves this side of, well me, ’cause my calves are almost Adonis-like. People come from two counties over to pay two-bits a gander is what I’m sayin’.
(*NOTE: Strictly a fanciful jest! KIDS! DON’T DRINK! I’m actually cutting the North Forty out here on the homestead in preparation for a Saturday night grill-out/bocce/booze fest, and that grass ain’t gonna cut itself.)

Smalls Summer Xtravaganza, All Day, Mr. Smalls, Millvale
Live music, skateboarding, BMX, inline… It’s so extreme you’ll cut yourself on it’s extreme-itude. Contests, demos, skinned body parts – it should be awesome. You’ll come for the half-pipe drop-ins, you’ll stay for the pecan pie. If they have pecan pie, which they probably won’t. Actually, that wouldn’t surprise me, the folks up at Smalls are pretty cool, and if you asked for pie, they might give you pie. Vallely’s band Revolution Mother will be playing too.

Sunday, July 16
Kids Day At Schenley Plaza, 1:00 p.m., Schenley Plaza
Story-telling, puppets, balloons. This is so wholesome and good, I’m not sure why I’m reporting on it. Trying to get out of a few days of purgatory, I think. The new Plaza is an awesome thing, a reclaiming of a parking lot into a great little urban green space complete with a carousel. It’s so Americana I expect Robert Preston to start singing to Shirley Jones at some point about how great life is here in River City. Man, Shirley looked good in that movie. Hoo-fah. That’s probably where I got my thing for really smart women. The problem is, that means they’re smart enough to not date me. Dammit. I gotta figure that whole thing out at some point here…

Kenny Blake Trio, 7:00 p.m., Rhythm House Cafe, Bridgeville
WDUQ’s Tony Mowod hosts the Kenny Blake Trio out at the Rhythm House. The special is the Fish Parmesan. Sponsored by the Pittburgh Jazz Society. Kenny Blake, I mean, not the fish parmesan. That’s probably sponsored by the Pittsburgh Fish Parmesan Society, which really doesn’t get enough props. I mean, they’re out there promoting the flourishing Pittsburgh Fish Parmesan scene, and what thanks do they get? Blake’s pretty good though, a local legend, as they say, so this would definitely be worth the trip down to Bridgeville.

Flick: Zathura, 9ish, Flagstaff Hill
FREE! FREE! FREE! This movie is the one that… It’s the … The plot is… Nah, I haven’t heard of this one at all. I think it’s a kids movie, lemme look…

OK, so, IMDB says: “Two young brothers are drawn into an intergalactic adventure when their house is magically hurtled through space because of the board game they are playing.” Dude, same thing happened to me when I was playing “Three-Man” in college. Crazy. Oh, I see… Jon Favreau directed this… Might be worth a look then. He’s good.