(Things to do while waiting to die Ã¢â‚¬Â¦)
So yeah, we’ve got the biggest population decline in the country if you don’t count areas devastated by natural disaster, and sure, you could argue that the weather in Pittsburgh is a natural disaster year after year, but the thing is, it’s not so much people moving away anymore, it’s that we’re dying off. Moving into the ground, as it were, rather than the Sun Belt. In droves. And those of us left behind aren’t reproducing enough to keep up the population. And we’re not attractive to immigrants. And any other reasons you’d like to come up with. Well, whatever, let’s make lemonade. From an IM exchange with a friend yesterday:
Patrick: Last one out, please turn off the lights. Thanks.
Laura: “Pittsburgh! Where Pittsburghers go to die!”
Patrick: you’re quite the sloganeer.
Laura: natural population decline, what a nice way to say “dying in droves”
Patrick: kinda like using the phrase “released to industry” as opposed to “got fired”
Laura: “Pittsburgh! If you like rain and viewings, stick around!”
Patrick: “Pittsburgh! Crepe-hangers wanted!”
Patrick: “Pittsburgh is for Diers!”
Laura: “Pittsburgh! ‘Not quite dead yet’ for 40 years!”
Patrick: “What happens in Pittsburgh, dies in Pittsburgh!”
Laura: “Pittsburgh: When You’d Rather Die.” “You said you’d rather die than visit Pittsburgh? Now you can have it all!”
So let’s get those new slogans to the tourism board ASAP. And now, Oh, the places you’ll drink!
Friday, April 6
Banff Mountain Film Festival, 7:00 p.m., Byham Theater, Dahntahn
Lindsay mentioned this the other day here. Basically, it’s a film festival about mountains and the activities you can partake in while you’re on one, whether it’s sport of actually maintaining a residence on one. Friday’s events include guest speaker Arlene Blum, mountaineer (the real kind, not the kind where you call yourself that just ’cause you got drunk at WVU once, and quite frankly, who hasn’t?) and the first woman to attempt to ascend Mount Everest, so if you’d like to hear her speak, show up early.
An Evening With The O’Jays , 8:00 p.m., Benedum Center, Dahntahn
See, this is where the hack writer will say something along the lines of “Hey everybody, jump on the Love Train and go see the O’Jays!” And since I’m a hack writer, I’ll say “Hey everybody, jump on…” You get the idea.
The O’Jays are one of the most influential groups of the soul era, and have contributed to the culture in ways so deep and profound that… Ah, screw it… “Hey everybody, jump on the Love Train and go see the O’Jays!”
Deneice Williams opens the show. Besides contributing to arguably the best/worst soundtrack of the 80s, she’s also been a backup singer for Stevie Wonder and Minnie Ripperton, so she’s got all the cred you’d ever need right there.
Halcyon: Downtempo & Trip-hop , 10:00 p.m., Z Lounge, Sahsside
Note to self:
Things to pick up at Giant Iggle:
– Glow sitck
– Bottled water
– Lye Soap
– Some sense of rhythm
– Some way of taking 15 years off of my age
Saturday, April 7
Breakfast With The Birds , 8:30 a.m., National Aviary, North
Enjoy a continental breakfast (Read: croissants and coffee) with birds. I mean, the birds will be there eating breakfast with you, not as part of the menu. That’d be a little too “Restaurant-At-The-End-Of-The-Universe”-ish, really. “Cool, waiter, let’s meet the meat.”
After breakfast, you can take a special guided tour, take pictures, and wonder why the hell you got up so early on a Saturday.
Create A Haiku , 1:00 p.m., Children’s Museum, North
event for children
i mention it here because
easter weekend slow
“You’re In Trouble” Premiere , 8:00 p.m., The Rex, Sahsside
The world premiere of a locally-produced film about “3 female thieves who rob houses by tricking guys to break in for them.” I’m glad to see films getting made locally, I’m a big supporter of things like filmmakers and film kitchen, I love the fact that we’ve got a vibrant creative scene that’s growing by leaps and bounds each day, but really, this had me at “one of the women starring in the film is named Shannon Booze”.
I’d change my name if we got married, is what I’m saying.
Dear Ms. Booze,
Your Future Ex-husband*
(*Look, I know I’m hell to get along with, so let’s just get that out of the way now.)
Sunday, April 8
Find eggs, eat chocolate, spend time with the kids. Done. Later, watch Sopranos. Fuhgeddaboudit.
Because Knowing Where To Go (and drink) Is Half The Battle
(Further Suggested Reading)
– Pittsburgh City Paper
– Pittsburgh Post Gazette
– Craigs List
– This Is Happening
Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock* of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to email@example.com.
(* Note: Ã¢â‚¬Å“FlockÃ¢â‚¬Â? being, yÃ¢â‚¬â„¢know.. very loosely-definedÃ¢â‚¬Â¦)